TVSquad

Finally! Iraq's got their constitution together! Man, how long do you really need to create a document to fix up thousands of years of turmoil, slow pokes? They've got it written out but it hasn't been approved. A few more days are needed to work out the final kinks. We do know one thing for sure though, Jon Stewart points out: Iraq will celebrate Christmas. Whee! So this is what this whole delay's been about? Baby Jesus: yay or nay?

Mess O' Potamia: Senator Chuck Hagel reflects on what's going on in Iraq right now... One thing's for sure... we're not winning. He talks about exactly what we should be doing and all that registers in my head is that he wants a quick ride to the airport over there. You've got to be kidding me. He also goes as far as to compare the situation to that of Vietnam a few decades ago. Poor little Vietnam is getting sick of people comparing every international conflict to it. Hello, what about it's thriving sex trade? Geez.

So where's our beloved president at this time? No, he wouldn't be as heartless to be at his post in the White House, of course not. He's actually in a field of poppies with famous cyclist Lance Armstrong, taking a bike ride. Stewart seems a bit concerned. The president has been keeping fit... perhaps a little too fit? Is he preparing for an "every man for himself" situation that the rest of us don't know about?

The next bit is about drugs (don't get too excited, it's not the kind you're thinking about). There's an arthritis drug out there that may cause the company $200 some million dollars. A woman is claiming that Merck, the supplier of the drug Vioxx, has not told the truth about the risks of the drug and now she's suing. Senior Drug Dealer, Rob Corddry, reports live from Angleton, Texas. He says that this case is a milestone in corporate history because it marks the end of companies disregarding their customers. He immediately jumps into a super speedy reading of fine print talk, ending with something about diahhrea. Corddry goes on to explain that the company really isn't at fault because the dangers of Vioxx were stated clearly in the brochure/flyer/fold-out textbook that was included. He unfolds it with some difficulty shows it. It's in clear 3 pt. font, perfect for any arthritic senior citizen to see. He doesn't see the problem. If you do have a problem reading it, you might want to take something for it. Corddry then goes on to recommend a bunch of other medications to Stewart (including one just in case he's menopausal).

The TSA has now decided that people no longer have to suffer through cheap airport novels for entertainment and can now whittle or carve ice sculptures too. That's right, the airport security rules have been loosened just a smidgen. Of course, it wouldn't be on The Daily Show if there wasn't some level of absurdity behind it. They have taken measures to re-allow items such as bows and arrows, throwing stars, and knives under 5 inches. This thoroughly deserves a "WTF?!"... They've also loosened boarding restrictions but continued to keep certain undesirables off flights... like babies. Eep. Possible baby terrorists? One mother of a child who was denied boarding appeared on Wolf Blitzer's show. She doesn't get to say much because the child on her lap won't stop squirming and complaining. Stewart wails childishly, "It hurts me! Being in the Situation Room hurts me! It's too much information that seems like non sequiturs!" The child was eventually taken to the Situation Playroom. They cut to a commercial break but not before showing a devilish-looking dagger that's thoroughly okay to bring on-board because it's under 5 inches and a not-okay, over 5 inches dinner knife.

Tonight's guest is Chris Wallace of FOX News Sunday. The first thing he talks about is Steve Carell's amazing success with The 40 Year-Old Virgin (which is a hilarious film... I cried so hard from laughing). Carell used to be a sidekick on The Daily Show -- okay, not even a sidekick... more like a minion... serf. Wallace asks Stewart how he felt when he saw the box office results in the paper and saw the film debuting at #1 with $20-some million. Stewart says that his heart grows three sizes. Wallace goes on to ask (wait wait, who's interviewing here?) Stewart if he's ever starred in a film that's debuted at #1 before. Does having a trailer and access to the craft service count as being the star? Maybe not... Stewart says that he's been a serf for a film that's opened at #1 (Big Daddy). He admits to being a bad actor. Wallace asks if there's any envy towards Carell (seriously, man... Who's asking the questions?). There's a little bit more chatter about the new film until finally Stewart takes on the part of the interviewer and asks Wallace if we can go home now that Iraq's pulled together a constitution. Wallace says no... They haven't tackled federalism or the role of women but... other than that they're done, right? Or perhaps it's more important to question the competence of the current administration. It seems as though that at every stage we've reached, they've been "what's the word I'm looking for -- wrong". Wallace says that it's more important that we trust the Iraqis. At some point, we're going to tell them that time's up and that we're out of there. All he estimated times provided by the government are worst-case scenarios, really. Conversation somehow switches back to Steve Carell again (I'm telling you, he's amazing in the movie). Wallace asks if Stewart's claim to fame is going to be discovering Steve Carell. Oh snap, yo! Man, Wallace, I know you didn't just step over that line. Hell no. The audience erupts in playground "OHH"s. Stewart chuckles at the response and asks Wallace, "Do you realize that you're surrounded by my audience?"

Time for your Moment of Zen: A lot of kids screaming for their mothers but as part of a competition for something... Just imagine pig-calling contests but a lot more screaming, "Moooom!"