TVSquad

Here we go: it's down to Michael and Ralph.

First off, there's a 10 minute review of what has happened on the show so far. If you've seen the show it's a bit tedious, but it's a million times better than that interminable "walk" they do on the Survivor finale every season.

Ramsay calls Michael and Ralph and asks them to come to the kitchen for their biggest challenge yet: they have to cook for Star Jones. Oh, just kidding! The restaurant is split into two places. Michael gets to design/run his own dream restaurant, and Ralph gets to do the same.

Michael says this is the challenge he's been waiting for, while Ralph says he's going to win. Ramsay brings on John the designer of Hell's Kitchen to help Michael and Ralph out, along with Jean-Phillipe and the sous chefs. Michael and Ralph both meet with John and talk about the design of the restaurant (suddenly the show is turning into Project Runway or Design on a Dime). Jean-Phillipe meets with Michael and Ralph to talk about how the staff should be dressed. Ralph is uncomfortable talking about panty hose.

The menus: Michael wants short ribs and halibut, while Ralph wants lobster and filet mignon. The construction crew is busy with the restaurants, which opens in 36 hours. First problem: the wallpaper company shipped only half of what they need for Ralph restaurant. Ralph says "this isn't going to work for me," which is a very arrogant, restaurant-owner type thing to say, so I would say he's in the lead to win right now. Ralph is doing a 20s Art Deco style, while Michael's is more casual. Ramsay thought Ralph would come up with something more original, while he thinks the problem with Michael's design is not a place people would want to hang out in a long time.

28 hours til opening.

Ramsay wants to see both of their signature dishes (what he feels is one of the most important parts of a restaurant) now. But Ramsay isn't going to taste them. Instead he takes them out on the street to have the public taste them!

I don't know if I'd taste random mysterious food from three guys on the street, even if they are wearing chef jackets. Michael starts kicking Ralph's ass, and Ramsay says Ralph is beginning to panic and is coming off as a "polish salesman." I guess polish salesmen are big in the U.K.

One guy summarizes things best: he likes Michael's food but likes Ralph as a person better.

Back at Hell's Kitchen(s), Michael and Ralph check out the progress. Things are looking different than what Ralph envisioned ("Casablanca meets a speakeasy"). Michael likes his wallpaper and backlights. In the kitchen, the next task: cook for the guys working on the restaurants. They better do well or they might end up with pink elephants on the walls or urinals hanging from the ceiling.

Michael steps up to the pass, Ramsay's old job. Ramsay says Michael needs to be louder. Michael says he becomes friends too easily and has to get that under control. Suddenly he says that the staff "cooks like old people *****ing," and you can guess what *****ing means. Ramsay is surprised by this. He finds Ralph boisterous and charismatic. He excels. However, Michael isn't putting crab in the risotto, and Ralph doesn't even notice! Meanwhile, Ralph keeps calling Jean-Phillipe "Jean-Pierre," which freaks out Jean-Phillipe, because he's been working there with Ralph for a long time. The customers notice there's no crab in the risotto. Oh oh.

Ralph confronts Michael, and Michael says he's sorry (but with a smile). Ralph calls him an idiot under his breath. Ramsay thinks that Michael was clever. He wants a combo of the two guys. That would be the perfect chef.

That night puts on a Gordon Ramsay impression night for Ralph, trying to be more assertive. He wants to learn how to vocalize his thoughts. In a ridiculously TV-ish dramatic scene, Michael stands alone outside and talks to the giant Ramsay billboard outside the building, saying he's going to be great tomorrow.

12 hours til the restaurants open.

Ralph loves the lights and brick wall and wallpaper (jockey-ish silks). Michael is impressed by the wood and panels. But his booths aren't here yet! And John says that Michael is "too cool," color-wise. He wants to paint over the gray, but Michael says no.

Ramsay tells both Michael and Ralph that he has handpicked their staff for the evening...and Dewberry steps into the kitchen!

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Then, that really annoying overstock.com commercial airs. It's all about the "O."

Back at Hell's Kitchen, the former contestants are back! Dewberry and Wendy and Andrew and Jessica and Elise and Jimmy! Michael picks Jessica. Ralph picks Andrew. Michael picks Jimmy. Ralph picks Wendy (and Ramsay is surprised no one picked Elsie quicker - and she's better). Michael picks Elsie, leaving Dewberry last.

Michael was hoping to have pro cooks, but he "has to deal" with what he's got. Ralph is explaining how things work to Dewberry and Andrew and Wendy. 

8 hours til opening.

Michael tells his team he "couldn't feel more confident."

Michael's booths are here, and he thinks they're perfect. Jean-Phillipe tells Ralph if he calls him Jean-Pierre one more time he's going to kill them. He isn't going to take anything from them tonight. Ralph names his resaurant Frank and Lulu's. Michael names his restaurant Lolapop. It's named after a nickname he has for his wife Lola. Weird that one would have Lulu in the name and the other Lola. 

Ralph is having trouble with Andrew (big surprise!). An hour and a half left to open, and Andrew cuts himself with the peeler trying to peel an artichoke. Bad. Off to the emergency room! Ralph meets with Ramsay and says he'll have to work two stations.

Ralph is feeling confident about the look of his restaurant. Ramsay says it looks warm and rich. Cool Chrysler Building light fixtures. But his menu is Italian. Ramsay says the waitresses look like "old grannies," but the men look "smart."

Michael's restaurant is very bright, very California. Leather booths are a good touch, which Ramsay says is good because without that it would have worried him because it wouldn't have been sophisticated. Ramsay says the waiters look like ballerinas in their t-shirts, while the waitresses look "sexy" in their ties.

Andrew returns! And Ralph gives out a laugh worthy of a James Bond villain.

Ramsay says he's impressed by what Michael and Ralph have done. He will be in their kitchens tonight but he won't be interfering or helping. Michael and Ralph give pep talks to their teams. The restaurant opens.

Michael is mixing up his tickets really badly. They're not cooking as a team, but Ramsay says it's not their fault, it's Michael's. But the appetizers are going out, and the customers like them. Meanwhile, Wendy is screwing up Ralph's orders and asks him to "slow down." Ramsay is concerned that Ralph is leaving his hot plate and stuff aren't going out. Wendy keeps saying she's "confused." Ralph has a secret weapon: antipasto! It's keeping the customers happy. Michael's customers get all their appetizers, including one with plastic in it. Elsie's problem. Michael says "you get one time, then I kill you."

Elsie and Jessica are telling each other to shut up. Jessica isn't getting that Michael is in charge. Ralph's team is rallying and most of the appetizers are out. Ralph has to get out the main courses. Dewberry screws up royally, which means he's right where he left off several weeks ago. It's so hot in the kitchen that Dewberry starts seeing stars and it looks like he's going to pass out. Ralph tells him to die on his own time. JP says that Ralph's food is excellent but they need to get the orders out quicker. Dewberry is wilting in the back room. But all dewberries probably wilt at some point or another, right?

Dewberry comes back and wants Ralph to slap him in the ass if he falls behind. Ralph gives him a cue card with points he has to remember (including number 7: "perfection"). Ralph calls him a diamond, but Dewberry wishes that Ralph would call him "Brad Pitt's wife." Oooooookaaaaay.

Meanwhile, Michael says he isn't happy at all. He doesn't want them to f*** up anymore. Both Michael and Ralph get more aggressive. More Ramsay-esque (or maybe that's Ramsay-riffic). Michael's team is getting better and gets out the last of it's main courses. Ralph's kitchen gets there's out too. 3 1/2 hours into the restaurant service, both teams are still going full speed. The restaurant closes. Everyone congratulates each other. Ralph kisses everyone, while Michael really appreciates his team. A couple comes up to Michael and says the food was great and they hope he wins. Ralph looks on from several feet away.

It's time for the winner to be revealed...psych! Not really, because Ramsay isn't ready. He has another surprise. The customers for Ralph's restaurant were flown in from NY, because Ralph tried a NY steakhouse. The customers for Michael's were from California because Michael wanted a California-ish establishment. Their comments and Ramsay's opinion will decide who wins.

Michael thinks he won, and Ralph thinks he has an advantage.

Michael and Ralph are blindfolded and led into Hell's Kitchen. Ramsay contratulates both. Two outstanding performances, and it's very close. The customers loved the food, the restaurants, the experience. Ramsay asked one critical question to the customers: would you return to this restaurant. And one of them got 90% return business! But it wasn't good enough! The other person got 94% of the diners saying they'd come back. Ramsay is amazed. 

Two doors in front of them. Only one door opens for the winner. Both take a deep breath. They face the doors. They congratulate each other one last time. Ramsay counts to three, they turn the door knobs, and...

Michael is the winner!

And the restaurant is packed with customers, all applauding. Ramsay hugs Ralph and says it was so hard. Lola is proud of her husband. Michael wins his dream restaurant. His knuckles say Head Chef. Shades of Cape Fear. One final surprise from Ramsay: he wants Michael to come to London to work with him and become a world class chef in his restaurant. Michael says yes.

Um, so does that mean he doesn't get his own restaurant after all?! He's going to work with Ramsay in London instead? Hmmm...