TVSquad

Welcome to The Daily Show! Jon Stewart starts off by mentioning that AMC Entertainment Inc. and Loew's Cineplex Entertainment Corp. plan to merge. He then sings in a squeaky, broken voice, "Thank you for merging with Loew's... Sit back and releax, enjoy the increased stock price".

Yesterday, President Bush met with some leaders of European Union. Many wondered if a two hour lunch meeting would be enough to discuss all the important issues. Throughout the following meet with the press, Bush listed many, many, many issues that were covered during that short period of time. Stewart explains that the reason why this was possible was because the average time was 12 seconds per issue. Anyway, this press conference, Bush insisted that the meeting with Luxembourg Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker and European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso was very pleasant. "I wanted to call you a piece of work but that might not translate too well," Bush said of Juncker. The awkwardness continued.
 
As usual, the "I-word" was brought up when a reporter asked about Iraq. Way to ruin it, guy. The European Union guys didn't want to take the question and looked towards Bush, who just chuckled nervously. Awwwkward. Anyway, he was asked if what Cheney said about the insurgency being in it's last throes was true? All Bush can say is, "I think about it every single day". Stewart raises his eyebrows and says, "You think about the war you started everyday? Really?" He then drops into his Bush impersonation, "I tie a little string around my finger. Sometimes I think to myself, 'What's that doing there?', and then I say to myself, 'Oh shit. That's right. It's... that... war." Bush's remarks sound remarkably similar to those of English Prime Minister Tony Blair a few weeks ago. Stewart explains that this is because the two of them are, in fact, "Primesident Blush!"

Speaking of Bush/Blair, the Downing Street Memos, a leaked British document that shows that the Bush administration has been planning an attack on Iraq as early as July 2002, were the focus of a hearing led by John Conyers, Jr., the ranking Democratic member of the House Judiciary Committee. This hearing was denied an actual conference room so they were sent to the basement -- let me say that again: the basement -- to hold their meeting. Surely they'll be able to hold their dignity intact once the meeting begins? Unfortunately, this proved to be a difficult task. Lights kept accidentally switching off as people were talking. And if you watched the CSPAN broadcast, at one point, you can even see a woman breast-feeding in the background. I wish I could say that bit was a Daily Show joke but it's completely true.

Cue the AC/DC. Lewis Black is "Back in Black". Black says that the hardest part of being a tabloid celebrity is knowing when to cash your checks. Jennifer Wilbanks, the recently famed Runaway Bride, is writing a book and doing a prime-time interview. She's getting half a million dollars for writing her life's story. Because it's so interesting. A lying, nervous bride. Whoop-de-friggin'-doo. It doesn't just stop with Wilbanks though, Ashley Smith, whose heroism consisted of not dying, is writing a book too. Smith's book is reportedly similar to Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life. Black is outraged by this because it might as well be him releasing his 4th grade report on how much he enjoyed Where the Red Fern Grows. Someone whose story we might actually care about, Mark Felt aka "Deep Throat", has signed a book deal and sold his story rights to Tom Hanks. He admits that he's doing it while he can to get the money. Black points out that this man just cannot not lie!

Tonight's guest is Dwight Yoakam, here to promote his new album, Blame the Vain. He comes onscreen with a cowboy hat and pinstrips and commences one of the worst interviews on The Daily Show ever (and I've seen the Spice Girls interview too!). He doesn't even mention his album and spends all his time talking about Davey Jones, Ed Sullivan, the Monkees, and the, um, monkeys. I didn't really learn anything from this interview except that Mel Gibson is a huge Monkees fan. "Wait! Let me blow your mind!" Stewart shouts after this fact. "So Mel Gibson is a huge fan of the Monkees but doesn't believe in evolution!" Crazy connetion, Jon man. At the end of the interview, Stewart brings up the album. "All your songs are non sequiturs..." Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised. I wonder if anyone's actually considering buying the album from this interview.

Tomorrow's guest is Bill Moyers. And now... your Moment of Zen: Bush smirks and says, "I think about Iraq everyday". Good to know, Mr. President.