Okay, so I was thinking about that recent poll where folks voted on the TV dad they'd most like as their own. Since people are voting for a fictional character who doesn't really exist, why limit the poll to just humans? Here are a few others who might also make good father figures:
Elmer Fudd: He would teach me to hunt and be self-sustaining. I would also be wise to the ways of sexually-ambiguous rabbits who try to woo me with provocative clothing and batting eyelashes.
Lew Zealand: This oft-ignored Muppet used to wow the audience with his amazing boomerang fish. I would never go hungry again, or I'd be killed by a carp hitting my skull at a high rate of speed. Life with Lew would be filled with spontaneity.
Pokey: I'm not sure if Gumby's red pony pal would actually make a good father, but no matter how much I beat him with a rolling pin, he'd still keep shifting back to his original shape like some kind of surreal affront to God. That's spooky cool.
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