TVSquad

After a two week long vacation, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is up and running once again. Stewart happily greeted the audience and pointed to the people at home, "Have you lost weight?". Oh Jon, we've missed you.

Stewart knows, of course, that everyone has sorely missed his lovely facial expressions so he gives us enough "Whaaa?" faces to make up for lost time as he goes through some of the highlights in the news that we have missed...

First up is the fillibuster compromise! This controversial piece of work has been all over the news and all the arguing has finally come to an end. Stewart points out that now, the Republicans get three judicial nominees and then the Democrats get to approve them... then the Republicans choose the rest.

Next is the whole thing with Tom Cruise on Oprah, totally insane, head-over-heels, and proclaiming his love for Katie Holmes. Oh. Are they dating? I had no idea. I've been quite busy twiddling my thumbs with my eyes stapled closed.

Stewart also touched on the Newsweek story about the alleged desecration of the Koran at Guantanamo Bay. Evidence pointed that interoggators had actually flushed the Koran down a toilet, leading to a deadly uproar and riots. Why should that set off riots? Stewart says, "Apparently, that was their only copy." Whoopsies.

Next: the already infamous picture in the New York Post and The Sun of Saddam Hussein in his underwear under the label "Butcher of Sagdad". Stewart spends most of his time staring at the picture and then finally says, "I can assure you... that is not a healthy scrotum", going on to talk a little more about Hussein's obvious "scrotal droop". More than we need to know, Jon. Thanks.

Lastly, Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi recently released a message directed to Osama bin Laden stating that his condition is not as bad as the media makes it to be. In fact, he is only "lightly wounded" and not in the hospital as previously thought. The US Army has been paying close attention to Al-Zarqawi and others in his network. In fact, they keep a close eye on all their websites. Stewart stares in disbelief. "The Army's best source of information on our enemy is their blog?"

Now, Rob Corddry's hard-hitting report on the gasoline and oil consumption situation in the States: Grand Heft Auto. With gas prices 25% up from last year's, however will Corddry get enough gas to get his Hummer out of the gas station, let alone afford it? Corddry is offered some advice on how to conserve this energy but he's too busy revving his engine to pay attention.

Stewart's guest for tonight is Gerald L. Posner, author of the new book, Secrets of the Kingdom. As he walks in and sits on the couch, my ears immediately shut down and my eyes go crazy. Is Posner wearing... a pink checkered shirt with a pink polka-dotted tie? It's a good thing I taped the episode because, honestly, I couldn't pay attention the first time around. After watching the interview a second time, it turns out Posner was discussing the strange position the States is in when it comes to dealing with the Saudis. Although everything looks hunky-dory because Bush held hands with some guy, there are truly some strange things happening beneath the surface. For example, bin Laden's field commander under pressure tells the CIA that his sources include three Saudi princes and the head of the air force. The CIA don't know what to do with this information so they release it to the Saudis and the Pakistanis. The strange thing is that soon after they leak this information, all four of the people become extremely "unlucky". One enters the hospital and soon dies afterwards, another dies in a off-road car accident, another dies when his plane swapped pilots at the last moment, and the last one dies from thirst (that is the official statement: he died from "thirst"). Posner suggests there are some shady happenings. He also goes in depth about the oil situation. Posner proposes that America should get a president that pushes the Saudis to open up and the Americans to cut back on fuel use and conserve even just a little bit.

And... Your Moment of Zen: "Last Call question... Do you think tasers should be used on children?"