TVSquad

Wow, choosing a winner for this contest was harder than Rafael Palmiero on a Viagra commercial. So many great entries, so many good quotes. It was very, very close. But there can only be one winner and two runners-up. First, second and third place entries:

Runner up #2: LT - Great structure and attention to detail.

Runner up #1: Carla Thompson - A lot of funny lines and she definitely knows how to write.

The winner: Annie W.: A great combo of voice, Daily Show knowledge, and links.

Read on for Annie's complete review. 

12 May 2005

Despite extreme sleep deprivation and the resulting sensation of burning eyes, I stayed up to watch The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (not with Jon Stewart, of course).

Mr. Stewart kicked off the show with the usual jab at the current administration. This time it was regarding the plane scare at the White House. The White House had decided to not inform Bush of the possibility of impending doom (doom, I say!) while he was on a suburban bike ride. A small Cessna plane had flown into restricted airspace over Washington and the terror level immediately shot up. Washington took it very well and very calmly -- well, besides the whole deal about having Congress and the White House completely evacuated. You would think they would at least inform the president if it is a big enough threat to evacuate everyone. Anyway, it turned out that the pilots of the tiny plane had simply lost their way. Way to go, DC.

Next up was Bush's controversial candidate for ambassador to the United Nations. He and his Republican buddies all want John Bolton for this position but an equally adamant portion of the Senate does not. This has created a huge divide and many senators are currently standing up against Bush's nomination. Huzzah for standing up for your opinions, anti-Bolton people! Perhaps the cold clutches of Washington have not wrapped themselves around your balls and given them a sickening twist! Stewart agrees (orgasmically) by rubbing his nipples. Of course, as always, this high dies fast as the senators give in and decide to give Bolton a chance. So much for that.

Now it is time for the brother, Jeb Bush, and his state, Florida. Recently, J. Bush signed a new crime force bill in which Floridians can immediately open fire if they feel threatened. This extreme attempt at improving self-defense has raised quite a few eyebrows. This makes us Floridians seem like we have a governor who is a little trigger-happy and perhaps a little too extreme. "He renamed hurricane evacuation routes as 'pussy promenades'," Stewart said jokingly.

Ed Helm's old report (2003) followed. "Banned Aid" featured one man's struggle to save today's youth... by providing kids in Harlem with toy guns as part of his program, Toys for Tots . Nice. It was a poorly planned response to the New York City Council's desire to ban water pistols. The report was still funny and somewhat surreal and the toddler at the very end clutching a gun was both disturbing and adorable. Babies with barettas, aww...

And cue the Cher! Time for some of Gaywatch. This time the spyglass is on Jim West , a long-time legislator heavily against gay rights, has been outed. He admitted to having relations with men and spending time in Internet chatrooms on sites like Gay.com. "I don't deny that," said West, a walking oxymoron, of his old homosexual habits. He even called this ordeal a "brutal outing". Jon Stewart retorts that it is, in fact, perfect irony and points out something that we should have known from the start: the anti-gay Republicans -- "They're all gay!" Well, duh.

Gaywatch Part II featured Wolf Blitzer discussing with the guest on his show about a new Swedish study about how homosexual and heterosexual men react to pheromones differently. At this point, my sleep deprivation had almost completely taken over and I just wanted the Swedish lady to go away.

Moments before I topple over onto the ground, I see Tracy Ullman prance about onscreen, picking her underwear out of her 'arse'. It is a clip to promote her new HBO special, Tracy Ullman: Live and Exposed (Saturday @ 9:30 PM). Ullman finally gets to the couch and, immediately, she takes over the interview. Stewart manages to get a few chuckles here and there (not from the audience but actually from Stewart...I do not think the audience had time to react, really) but most of the time he watched Ullman do random voices and molest his couch. Now, watching a gyrating, screeching, flailing Tracy Ullman while you're just about ready to rip your brains out just to feel the sweetness of quiet sleep is possibly one of the most irritating things of all time (that and car alarms... and accidentally spilling change under your seat). Honestly, I spent most of my time feeling sorry for Stewart because he just looked embarrassed on Ullman's behalf. I cannot quite remember exactly what happened during this Ullman interview but all I know is that I now have an extreme fear of loud British brunettes with chronic wedgies.

Moment of Zen: Wolf Blitzer talking about how gay and straight men smell things differently.